A Child’s Life Path:

When Your Daughter Chooses the Convent

by Robin Bonner

Making a Difference
Frequently, people come to a point in their life where they decide they “want to make a difference” in the world (before it’s too late?). Some use their newfound empty-nesting freedom to volunteer in their community. Others change jobs or perhaps take on a second, more service-oriented career. Some, though, get it right from the start: At a young age, they decide on a career of lifelong service.

Sarah Van Anglen is one such child. A year and a half ago, as a junior at Immaculata University (near Malvern, PA), she made a commitment to begin the journey to join the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary (the “IHM” Sisters), the service and teaching order that runs the college. Today, when scandal has rocked the Catholic Church and vocations and attendance are on the decline, how did Sarah come to that decision? And, what will it mean to her family?

What’s it like when your daughter decides to become a nun?

A Big Decision
On July 4th weekend two years ago, as they puttered around their house, the Van Anglen family was about to find out. Sarah, a junior music therapy major at Immaculata, was home for the summer, packing to leave for an internship at Berkshire Hills Music Academy in Massachusetts the following week. She came down from her room with younger sister Lauren, and Bert and Mariellen knew something was up.

“Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you,” Sarah began.

“I’ve decided to become an IHM sister.”

“I knew it!” Mom responded quickly. Mariellen’s brother and several aunts had joined religious orders—and the aunts had all become IHM nuns.

Dad wasn’t so quickly won over, however. “What the heck do you want to do that for? Are you nuts?” was his unchecked reaction.

Sarah spent the rest of the day patiently convincing them that she was not. Naturally, they had a lot of questions: “Have you given this a lot of thought? Are you attracted to it just because it ‘looks cool’? How much do you really know about this? We want you to think about all your opportunities. Hey, what will this mean to us? What would our role be in this new life of yours?” She told them the whole story.

The Road Less Traveled
I visited Sarah at the Immaculata mother house (the Villa Maria “House of Studies”), hoping she’d tell me, too. After all, today it’s unlikely that one’s child will choose a career as a nun, priest, or minister. What led her down that path? What was the draw? How would I feel as a parent if my child made such an announcement?

Sarah’s smiling face and the open friendliness—even excitement—of her fellow sisters (whom I met just inside the door) told a lot of the story. Sarah was well prepared. We settled down in a private conference room, where she took obvious joy in telling me the history of the order—how St. Alphonsus Liguouri had founded the Redemptorists in early 18th-century Italy to care for the poor. Louis Guillet, a Belgian priest, later brought the order’s influence to the U.S., settling in Michigan in the 1840s and opening a school there. Needing sisters to teach, he founded the Sisters of Providence, which evolved into the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

The order branched out to Susquehana County, PA, eventually to Reading, and finally to Malvern, where the sisters built a college on land from five local farms. The campus is home to the university, as well as Villa Maria Academy (K–8) and a spirituality center (the mother house). Sarah graciously led me on a tour. I would have been lost almost immediately in those labyrinthine hallways. About 55 sisters live there presently. How do they find their way around, I wondered.

The sisters take vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience. New “recruits” spend one year as a postulant, two years as a novice, and five years as a “junior” before taking final vows—after eight years. (Talk about a long engagement!) All vow ceremonies take place on or around the Feast of the Assumption—August 15. The sequence culminates with final vows, on the feast day itself.

The IHM nuns practice “love, creative hope, and fidelilty,” while living in community with one another. They pray. They teach (in the U.S., Chile, and Peru). And, Sarah Van Anglen, with her angel smile, wanted to be one of them. Not a shadow of a doubt clouded her freckled face. I was impressed. Many adults I knew were still trying to figure out “what they want to do when they grow up.” But Sarah, at age 22, was choosing to give up her possessions, the possibility of having children of her own, and even her ability to govern her own life—all to serve others with the IHM sisters.

The Journey
Sarah pondered how she had come to where she is today. “I didn’t decide quickly,” she chuckled. First, there was the family lore. Nana Schreiner (Mariellen’s mom) passed on to young Sarah stories about the others—about her great-aunt, Sister Suzanne Marie (Nana’s oldest sister and the first IHM of seven in their family) and her untimely death at 22 during a flu epidemic. (Sarah grew up with the middle name "Suzanne," and—to show her commitment to the Virgin Mary—she will take "Sarah Marie" as her new IHM identity.)

“Growing up, my parents had the greatest effect on me. They were the most Christian people I knew—always serving others.” I know the Van Anglen’s, and she’s right—I have met few people as genuinely helpful and loving as they are. “They were always sharing. Mom came from a big Irish Catholic family, but Dad wasn’t raised as a practicing Catholic—he joined the Church again when I was in grade school.”

Following their parents’ example, Sarah and her sisters helped out regularly at a local soup kitchen. Sarah also volunteered at her church and while at Immaculata signed up for a Catholic Charities–sponsored trip to New Orleans to help renovate homes ruined by Hurricane Katrina. And this volunteer bent runs in the extended family, as well: “Uncle Charlie is one of the Little Brothers of the Good Shepherd,” Sarah continues. According to that group’s Web site, the brothers seek “to serve Jesus Christ in the person of the poor, destitute, and anyone in need of help.” So, through the years, Sarah had many caring role models. “My parents supported my activities. My friends weren’t all Catholic, but they were good kids, with positive goals. And, of course, Nana was a great influence.” Sarah found and kept herself in good company.

Mariellen describes Sarah as a “typical middle child—quiet, calm, and focused. She was the peacekeeper in the family.” While growing up, academics didn’t come easy for Sarah—she had to work hard for good grades, but always managed to do well. She has a great love for music: She plays sax, piano, and guitar and as a kid and teen sang in the church choir. Sarah was never afraid to try new things: For several years, with friends she ran her parish’s vacation bible school. She even joined the NJROTC (NJ stands for Navy Junior, the high-school division of the ROTC). She had boyfriends.

When the time came to choose a college, though, Sarah (who attended the local public high school) decided that the college she attended had to (1) be Catholic and (2) have a good music therapy program, so she could use her love of music to help heal others. At Immaculata, she found both.

College Years
As a freshman, Sarah helped with Campus Ministry and served on the altar. In the spring, she got involved with a school theatrical production—a children’s play. There, she met Tracey Uphoff. She and Tracey found they had a lot in common and became fast friends. Tracey, already a junior, was seriously thinking of joining the IHM order. Sarah was intrigued with the idea, as well, so the two friends spent a lot of time talking about it. Tracey said she wanted to teach and also to serve the community through the Church. In the meantime, Sarah had begun dating a boy from her church back home. But, her conversations with Tracey stuck with her.

Sarah thought about everything over the summer and in the fall found herself still fascinated with Tracey’s story. She and her boyfriend agreed mutually to go their separate ways. Sarah asked for more information, and Tracey gave her the name of Immaculata’s director of vocations. On December 8, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Sarah attended an all-night “adoration” held in the chapel. It occurred to her there that Mary didn’t hesitate when asked by the Angel Gabriel to become the mother of Jesus. Should she, Sarah, then, be saying “yes” to a calling from God? It was at that moment that she decided to begin the formal process of “discernment” with the vocations director, Sister Carmen Teresa.

Sarah took on part-time work as a receptionist for the mother house. She was invited to “hang out” with the nuns. She attended “Sisters Nights,” set up to let young women of high school and college age see what community life is like. Sarah hit it off with the sisters immediately. She thought, “What do I desire? Is this the community for me?” Somehow, after spending time with the sisters, she felt more and more comfortable with the idea. She met regularly with Sister Carmen, now her mentor.

Sarah learned that the IHM order does not cut its members off from their families—this was important to her. For the first three years, the sisters are allowed to go home for special events, such as relatives’ birthdays, and once a month, family members are invited to the mother house for “Family Day.” Vacations with families would resume after year three, but in the meantime, other short visits could be arranged. The sisters do spend religious holidays such as Christmas or Easter with their community—their new family—and the following day with their birth family (whereas married couples usually negotiate priorities between the two extended families involved). All in all, the IHMs encourage their members to keep in touch with their families and friends. Phone and email are limited, but they are available. The convent even holds quarterly “Friends Days,” to allow new sisters to keep in touch with friends from their former life. Cloistered they are not.

Making It Official
Before she knew it, sophomore year was over, and Sarah was sure of her interest. She faced a secular summer internship, which would either seal her commitment or cause an about face. It was time to talk to her family. She told her sister Lauren, who was home at the time, and then her Mom and Dad. “They had a lot of questions, but they saw how happy I was. They’ve been very supportive.” Sadly, Nana passed away just two days later, before Sarah had a chance to tell her the news. Somehow, though, Sarah felt that Nana already knew her decision.

And, the internship confirmed her suspicions—although she loved working with the special-needs kids at the Berkshire Academy, a secular commitment felt restricting. When it came right down to it, she wanted to talk to her students about God and how much he loves them, and she knew she couldn’t do so in a secular setting. “I wouldn’t be free to serve Christ in the way that I felt I was called to,” she said. She wanted a daily schedule that would “put Christ first.” And, caring for a family of her own would only serve as a distraction. She could do so much more if she took the IHM vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. “I felt I wasn’t meant for married life,” she confided. A religious environment, on the other hand, would be just the thing. So, in Sarah’s simple belief and joy in the love of God and her wish to share it, she was able to cut through layers of Church “issues” and get to the heart of the matter: No other group was prepared to provide the living environment she was looking for.

On December 8, 2007, Sarah made a formal application to the community. The process required a written application and autobiography, as well as a psychological evaluation and an interview by the vocations director, Sister Carmen, and the general superior, Sister Lorraine. Sarah worked hard on her written application during junior year, completing it that April. On May 17, 2008, just two days before leaving for a month-long summer program in Peru—to teach with the IHM sisters there—Sarah received the letter she had been waiting for. She had been accepted into the program! That summer, Sarah would become a postulant.

This time, Sarah’s summer internship fit her interests. “Peru was wonderful,” Sarah recalled. “I was able to connect with the people there, helping out as a teaching assistant in fourth-, fifth-, and sixth-grade English classes. (I’m still in touch with the some of the girls through Facebook!) Peruvians are either very wealthy or very poor—and the poor are grateful for anything you do for them.” She even had a chance to play guitar and sing with the first-graders, an experience she’ll never forget. (Do we have a new “Singing Nun”?) Although Sarah visited six different IHM missions, she was so busy while in Peru that she did very little “tourist stuff.” She’ll have to save Machu Picchu for next time—and she can’t wait to go back.

Senior year was a little different for Sarah than for the other students. As a postulant, she attended classes as before, but she no longer lived in a dorm. She now resided with the IHM community. She saw her friends at school but didn’t “hang out” with them. They did manage to include her in a special Christmas creche ceremony on campus, though, which she remembers fondly. “This lack of contact was a little difficult for my closest friends, but they’ve been supportive.”

As an IHM postulant, Sarah’s degree would be in music rather than music therapy, and she would pursue a teaching certificate after graduation. Music would still be part of her life, but now she would work musical activites into her curriculum as an elementary school teacher. (She would have the option to teach music therapy if there is a need for it, but at first, Sarah would mostly be needed by the IHM order to teach grade school.) The community is already making good use of Sarah’s musical talents, though: She cantors at Mass and is asked to play piano at IHM functions, recently performing a Bach composition on the feast of St. Alphonsus.

In spring 2009, Sarah graduated from Immaculata University with her class. She holds a B.A. in music.

The next two years will be filled with theology and education classes. By end of summer 2011, Sarah hopes to hold a B.A. in theology, as required by the order, as well as her teaching certificate. By then, she will be a junior IHM sister and should be nearly ready to teach elementary school.

A New Life for the Van Anglens, Too
So, what of the Van Anglens? How have their lives been changed by their middle child’s life choice?

As with the career plans of any grown child, everyone in the family is affected. Recovering from their initial surprise, Mom, Dad, and sisters Erin and Lauren have provided Sarah with nothing but unflagging support of her vocation. As parents, the Van Anglens are philosophical: They have learned to meet their daughters where they are, and to offer advice and support their decisions.

Neither Mariellen nor Bert finished college. Bert himself dropped out after the first year, “I wanted to see the world—to do something!” He makes his living as a truck driver. For Mariellen, one of 11 children, college just wasn’t in the cards. Today, she owns her own cleaning service, the income from which she proudly uses to “put the girls through college.” Most parents want more for their children than they themselves had, and the Van Anglens are no exception. For them, educating their girls is paramount.

An interest in education runs in the family: Sarah’s younger sister Lauren attends Mt. Holyoke College (MA), majoring in psychology, and older sister Erin attended the same school, for international studies. Both come home to visit Sarah at Immaculata whenever they get the chance. As sisters, they’re all very close and protect one another like a mother bear with her cubs.

Taking up her family’s interest in education, Sarah will teach elementary school. She will, perhaps, have the chance to educate poor children in Chile and Peru, touching their lives. Bert muses about Sarah’s internship in Peru last year: “The people there were the poorest she had ever met, but also the happiest. They are happy, carefree people. And the countryside is gorgeous.” Bert observes further,“IHMs are a very educated order. Many have PhDs.” Sarah's parents are clearly proud of her accomplishments and happy with her prospects for the future with the IHM order.

The Van Anglens can’t pick up the phone on a whim and reach their postulant daughter. But, can one always reach his or her grown children at will? No—not when they’re at work, traveling, in different time zones, and so on. For now, Mariellen and Bert talk to Sarah every Sunday and visit with her once a month and on special occasions. Her schedule defines theirs, and they’re okay with that. After the next couple of years, they hope to see her more often, but for now, they’re content with the arrangement. “On Bert’s birthday this year,” Mariellen recalls, “We decided to all meet up at [Lake Nockamixon] to go sailing. Sarah was able to arrange for a car, and she brought several sisters with her who had never been on a sailboat. They loved it, and, we all had a great time!” They’re happy to share their daughter with her new family.

Even Bert has come around about his daughter’s vocation. He says, “Most people only see the down side of [the convent] way of life, but when you get involved with it, you can actually picture yourself doing it.” In fact, when acquaintances unaware of the events of the past year or two ask Bert if the graduating Sarah has found a job yet, he responds, “Yeah, she’s found a job—and they’re hiring!”

Links
IHM Immaculata
St. Alphonsus
Institute on Religious Life
History of the IHM order