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Empty Nest Magazine |
GENERATIONS
When Mom Has Surgery
by Robin C. Bonner
Did You Say Surgery? Excuse me? Did she say cataract surgery? “Mom, did you say cataract surgery? When is that?” I asked. “Wednesday. It’s great—Wills Eye Hospital. They send a van to pick you up and take you to their facility in Warminster. Then they bring you back home again. Mrs. Felkner is taking me for the follow-up exam the next day.” Right. And she would be home alone the night of the surgery. Why didn’t we know about this sooner? “This Wednesday?” My mind raced. It was Saturday. I had just gotten back from an exhausting road trip to and from Florida. I was way behind in the office and currently was running out the door to a 65th birthday party. My husband Gary hadn’t even arrived home from our trip yet. We had left him at a robotics competition in Atlanta, GA, on Wednesday. And Mom’s surgery loomed a mere 4 days away. I picked up Gary at the airport on Sunday. “Did you know that your Mom is having cataract surgery this week?” “No, are you kidding? This week?” “No, I’m not kidding. We should drive down there, so she’s not home alone overnight.” She lives in Levittown, about an hour away. “Yes, we should.”
Age and Advocates She’s now 80. It’s amazing that she tries this stuff. When and if I reach 80, I’m going to want my kids talking to the doctor with me, before the surgery, so I can remember what the heck is going on. I believe it’s called “having an advocate,” and it’s a highly recommended practice for people of any age. Heaven knows I have enough trouble recalling what the doctor says now, never mind running off to surgery by myself. My kids had better be standing outside the OR waiting for me and the doctor. Anyway, I digress… In the United States today, many elderly people (defined here as those 65 years and older) live alone. In 1990, 9.2% of the elderly lived by themselves; that figure is projected to increase to 15.2% by 2020. Also by 2020, the number of Americans 85 years of age and older who live alone will reach 2.3 million. How many are hesitant to tell their children about their medical issues? Why is that? Is it because they want to remain independent as long as possible, to resist pressure to give up their homes and move into a senior residence? Or do they not wish to burden their busy children? Or perhaps at work is pride or stoicism, a refusal to allow any perception of a chink in the armor—a quality that seems to be a hallmark of the World War II generation? We’ve invited Mom to our house for the weekend (or as long as she’d like) more than once. Her reply is always the same: “Oh, no, I couldn’t do that—I’m much too busy this week: bridge, doctor’s appointments, dances, you know.” Mom never sits still. I suppose there are parents who do sit still, but not this one. However, you really have to be vigilant, so if she needs help, you know to give it. You go for it, Mom . . . and we’ll do our best to keep up with you!
Links Robin Bonner is editor of Empty Nest. |
Empty Nest: A Magazine for Mature Families
© 2009 Spring Mount Communications
Then I have bridge, and the cataract surgery on Wednesday. And I’ll be going to Karen’s the following weekend.”
The hospital admitted her. We found out the next day, when the neighbor called to let us know where she was. Sometime after that, she had cataract surgery in the other eye, and I don’t recall even knowing about it until it was over.