Planning a Destination Wedding: The Months Before

by Robin C. Bonner

In the last issue of Empty Nest, we recounted our planning of Amie and Todd’s Maine destination wedding from their engagement in June 2006 through the winter of 2007, including a reconnaissance trip to Mount Desert Island, Maine, in October. At that point, we had set a date, time, and place for the ceremony and reception. We mailed a save-the-date card to each guest, we chose and ordered bridesmaids’ dresses, and Amie selected and ordered her dress. So much done, yet so much to do, especially when doing it all long distance!

Destination weddings have become a trend in recent years, and many Web sites cater to those seeking an exotic location (see sidebar). Amie and Todd chose Maine, however, because it was our family’s “vacation home” as she was growing up and Todd came to love it, as well. The quiet beauty of the island, the rugged rocky Maine coast, places special to our family—all contributed to Amie and Todd’s decision to have their wedding on Mount Desert Island.

The Knot Wedding Shop
Why marry away? The Knot can name six good reasons.

Sandals Resorts
For those who want only the very best . . .

Destination Weddings and Honeymoons
Secrets of the South Pacific and more

Island Brides
A guide to the perfect beach wedding

The Wedding Experience
Weddings around the world, including cruise ship weddings

The Wedding Channel
Everything you need to know

And the list is endless!

Maine in April
As spring approached, we prepared for our second Maine-based planning session. This time, the group would also include Todd’s parents, Connie and John Wesley. We booked rooms for everyone at the Manor House B&B in Bar Harbor. The inn is a stately Victorian building on the National Register of Historic Places. In the heart of Bar Harbor, but set back from the street, the place had a tranquil charm.

Todd’s parents (who were coming from Chicago) planned to meet Amie and Todd at the airport in Bangor and travel with them the hour or so to Bar Harbor. As for Gary and I, we would break our journey from Philadelphia into two legs, to Boston the evening before, then to Bar Harbor that morning.

The weekend before our trip, a nor’easter hit the Maine coast, keeping parts of Acadia’s Park Loop Road closed longer than scheduled. We worried that we would lack access to parts of the park important to the wedding. As it turned out, that wasn’t the case, although throughout our visit, snow remained on Cadillac Mountain, the highest point on the island. We were glad we had packed layers of clothing, despite the warm weather we had been experiencing in Philadelphia.

Maine in April: Thursday
Once we all arrived by Thursday afternoon, our work was cut out for us. The first thing on the agenda was a trip (pilgrimage?) to Thunder Hole, then a tour of the ceremony site, just south of it. We needed to decide how to place chairs and where the important players would stand, the musicians would sit, the bridal party would gather afterward, and so on. The wedding planner was out of town and wouldn’t be able to meet with us until Saturday afternoon, so we were on an early exploratory mission.

That evening and each night on the island afterward, we experimented with possible rehearsal dinner sites for the benefit of the Wesleys, who would host that event. The first night we checked out Galyn’s, on Main Street, near the harbor. It was a pleasant, nautical-themed dining experience, but the restrictions placed on the menu and time slot for rehearsal dinners made the venue an unlikely candidate. Amie and Todd wanted to have a later dinner, after which the young adults would go out on the town.

Maine in April: Friday
Each morning, our hosts at the Manor House served scrumptious breakfasts, elegantly presented, in a dining room filled with antiques. Tea and homemade cookies were set out for guests each afternoon. The inn’s wraparound porch and cozy sitting room were perfect places to enjoy this light refreshment and relax together, not to mention to plan our activities.

After breakfast on Friday, we drove to Northeast Harbor to meet with Tom Weverstad, the event planner at the Asticou. Todd’s parents were interested in seeing the majestic old inn. When John was a college student, he spent a few summers crewing for the skipper of the New York Yacht Club. They would sail up to Northeast Harbor to visit the captain’s mother, who was summering at the Asticou. John hadn’t been back there since and was looking forward to it. With Tom, we confirmed the dining room’s setup, the dinner menu, and other issues. (Would he be able to get Moet et Chandon at a reasonable price, or should we stick to the house champagne?) It was good to be there, to get a sense of the place, although the building was undergoing pre-season renovations and much was in disarray—carpets rolled back, walls half painted, floors in various stages of refinish, and so on. The sunlight bounced off the harbor water just down the hill, though, and streamed through the picture windows, illuminating the mural on the wall and creating a warm, soft glow in the room. It became easy to imagine Amie and Todd’s wedding reception playing itself out in this very spot in just a few months.

After a quick bite to eat in Northeast Harbor, we kept our appointment with Laurie Riddell of Cottage Flowers. There, we delved into the details of flowers for the bridal party, the ceremony site, the moms and dads, and so on. For the girls, Amie chose a bright bouquet, hand-tied with sheer and satin burgundy ribbon. The flowers would be of mixed colors in raspberry, burgundy, and gold, which would contrast nicely with their teal dresses. Laurie would advise closer to the time according to what she had growing in her gardens, but for now we would plan on sunflowers, gerber daisies, calla lilies, roses, and freesia. Amie described her wedding dress (after we sent Todd outside so he wouldn’t hear any of it!), and with Laurie’s input, for herself she chose dark pink calla lilies, white and burgundy roses, freesia, and ivy in a hand-tied bouquet with a cascading effect.

We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring various rehearsal dinner locations, then settled on McKay’s Public House for dinner. We found the food delicious but the layout of the room that would be used for the rehearsal dinner (which turned out to be several adjoining rooms) not convenient for our group. In any event, I have to say it was an amazing way to spent a fall weekend. Because of strained finances (those college tuition bills!), we hadn't done anything so lovely in a while, so we really enjoyed that special weekend.

Maine in April: Saturday
Saturday had us up bright and early and heading off the island to Ellsworth to meet DJ Mike Tuthill at the local Dunkin Donuts. Amie and Todd talked to Mike about the music they liked and their preferences for the reception: Keep it low-key. They would have classical during dinner, then rock-and-roll and oldies later, for dancing. Amie and Todd would dance their special dance to “Come What May,” from Moulin Rouge. Mike was young but had been in the business for a number of years, and he seemed very capable. We worked out contractual details and moved on to Willey’s Formal Wear (also in Ellsworth), to choose tuxedos.

Tuxedos need to be carefully matched in color to the girls’ dresses. (Should the guys’ vests match the bridesmaids’ dresses, or to avoid a dye lot mismatch, should only the guys’ boutonnieres match the girls’ bouquets?) Todd chose black tails with an ivory shirt (to match Amie’s dress, which, in line with tradition, he hasn’t seen), and we were eventually able to secure the attendant’s help. She was busy (we arrived during prom season), so we spent more time there than we had had planned.

In the early afternoon Amie and I visited the Roberto Hoskins salon, where Amie tried out an “updo” (and experienced the salon itself). Afterward, we grabbed sandwiches from the café next door, where the rest of the gang was enjoying a leisurely lunch. Then, it was off to see Janice Strout, “the cake lady” (Celebration Cakes, Bar Harbor), to do some serious cake tasting. Janice welcomed us warmly. We walked into her home and took in the bold yellow and red furniture and walls—the place obviously belonged to an artist. And, the cakes in Janice’s photo album were even more amazing in decoration and detail. Raspberry, strawberry, blueberry, and lemon fillings were on the menu, as was chocolate, of course, and cakes of various texture. No general agreement was reached among us, as the choices were all delicious. We did agree, though, that no matter what Amie and Todd selected, (1) this was the best part of the planning, and (2) everyone at the reception would be sure to love their choice, whatever it was! As of this writing, the decision has still not yet been made, although the bride and groom-to-be are leaning toward the chocolate cake with raspberry filling.

Afterward, we met Donna Just, the photographer we had by now contracted, at the wedding ceremony site in Acadia National Park. She shot a good number of “engagement” shots, getting to know Amie and Todd a little better before the “big day.” The wedding planner met with us there. She wasn’t able to bring chairs with her, which was a big disappointment, as we were waiting to try them out on the rocks. She also brought more bad news. Ollie’s Trolleys, which we thought had been secured in the fall, would in fact be entertaining passengers from a cruise ship docked in Bar Harbor that day and would therefore be unavailable to take our guests from the Asticou to the wedding site at 2:30. If we pushed the wedding back to 4:00, however, they could do it.

Although the planner tried to convince us otherwise, we weren’t excited about having the wedding any later. After all, it would be October, when the sun would set fairly early. We thought that the natural light for after-ceremony photos would be waning (Gary confirmed later that sunset would be at 5:20 p.m. on the big day) She also believed that the National Park Service would nix our bringing many chairs onto the site. A lot of bad news had come with the wedding planner—a downer for such a fun weekend.

We stewed about the chairs, the trolleys, and so forth, as we scrambled around the cliffs. We considered getting cushions for people to sit on. All I could think about was our guests’ formal wear dragging on the rocks. I had always envisioned chairs at the ceremony site. People would be dressed for the reception at the Asticou, not for a wedding on the rocks. It was frustrating to receive this information so late in the process. We were leaving to go home the next morning and wouldn’t be back to Mount Desert Island until the week of the wedding. It wasn’t a good time for surprises. (One drawback of destination weddings is that if you’re going to do any of the planning on location, your window of opportunity is limited. And we were almost out of time.)

If we hired a bus to take the guests to the site, the company would need a commercial license (to the tune of $750). We didn’t want to tack that cost onto our list. Alternatively, a service road ran to the park about ½ mile away. Connie suggested that the guests bring walking shoes, the bus drop everyone off at the service road entrance, and they walk to the site. The ceremony on the rocks idea was becoming more and more complicated, and I was getting more and more nervous—our last planning weekend was nearly over, and just when things were going smoothly, problems began to rear their ugly heads. Clearly, the time had come to return to town, find a venue for dinner, and order a margarita. Then, we could discuss all of this sensibly.

We found ourselves at Guiness & Porcelli’s, a fun little Irish and Italian restaurant (if you can picture that) on Main Street in Bar Harbor. We had to wait for a table, but that gave us time to get drinks and unwind a bit. The place was a strong contender for the rehearsal dinner, so the extra time allowed the Wesleys to talk to the manager about that possibility. We enjoyed a delicious dinner and were eventually able to laugh about a lot of what was going on. However, we were going to have a lot to decide in the coming weeks.

continued in part two . . .