Sailing as a Couple:

It’s Possible. Really!

By Robin C. Bonner

The Way Life Should Be
It’s early June as we launch our 19-ft Lightning daysailer Windsong onto Lake Nockamixon, near Quakertown, PA. My husband, Gary, backs the boat trailer into the water, as I grab the bow line and walk carefully up the ramp to the dock, guiding the boat toward a free cleat. Gary drives away, in search of a parking space. I can’t believe it’s June and I’m only just now getting out on the boat!

I don my sailing gloves, with the open fingertips, and Velcro them snuggly into place. Although right now I’m only clipping the rudder into place as the boat bobs at the dock and I wait for Gary, I’m imagining that first puff of air filling the sail—that gentle “whoosh”—and the boat quietly slicing through the water, leaving the dock and shore farther and farther behind. I imagine what I’ll do next—watch the tell-tales, so I can trim the jib, and thus make best use of all the air that puff has to offer. Then, we’ll tack back and forth, closely among the other boats, anxious for the race to begin. The adrenaline rush begins, as it always does before a race. The sun warms my face and shoulders; there is no feeling like it. It’s going to be a fabulous day.

Cruising
But it wasn’t always this way. In the beginning, even before kids, I was skeptical about sailing, if not, depending on the weather, downright terrified of it. I conquered my initial fears, however, just to get out on the boat—not only because Gary loved it so, but because I wanted to feel the same way. After all, I loved water and sun; what could be more natural than sailing? There was such an inherent beauty in it—the quiet, the know-how, the independence. The idea appealed to me. And so many people did it, without being terrified. Still, I was cautious. With time, though, I got comfortable on the boat. It became like driving a car; you just did it. (Sailing only when the air and water are warm is one coping mechanism—doing so in chilly weather and on choppy water is not for the fainthearted!)

So we were “cruisers.” As the kids grew, though, Gary joined the Nockamixon Sail Club—a bunch of racers. I wasn’t into racing and the kids weren’t old enough to take along, so he convinced friends to crew for him. A racing day was a “guy’s day out.” We’d go out as a family on non-race days. But Gary raised our two girls to be sailors. Racers. As they learned to sail, when we’d go out, I began to take a “middle seat”—letting them try their skills near the bow, pushing off from the dock, raising the jib, then trimming it, and grabbing the dock with bow line in hand at the end of the day. When the girls were old enough to crew for Gary during races, I managed to get out on the lake, it seemed, only a few times a season; family cruising days became few and far between. I used that time well: lunch with friends, reading, weekend work, catching up on housework. But it wasn’t sailing.

Racing
Then, the girls grew up. When our younger was a senior in high school and working on weekends, she was less and less available to crew. Gary went back to inviting friends to crew for him, but it was difficult to find “regulars,” so soon he was racing single-handed or crewing for other club members. Eventually, wanting to help Gary out, and also satisfy my curiosity and challenge myself, I decided to take the plunge (so to speak) and offer to crew for him myself.

I had overcome my terror of sailing—cruising—long ago, but racing was another story. Again, I found myself terrified. Really terrified. These people are maniacs. How DO they manage to keep all these boats from crashing into one another at the start line and around the marks? I would ask myself. Well, once you understand what’s going on, and establish some order, the mystery lessens: The boat on the starboard tack (with the wind filling its sails from the right, or “starboard,” side of the boat) has the right of way, and if two boats are both on a starboard tack, the boat most downwind (or “leeward”) has the right of way. Of course, it’s a race, and the boat with the best time wins. So the skippers compete for the best start (crossing the line just as the horn sounds), the best wind (which varies on different sides of the lake), and the best overall time, and they pass other boats as closely as possible—tacking away can cost precious seconds or even minutes in a race.

Once I sailed a couple of races and came to learn how things worked, I was able to think less about crashing and concentrate more on the race itself. (It also helped to trust the captain.) In fact, the more I learned, the better I was able to alert Gary to oncoming boats that had the right of way (and even to those that did not!). I had other work to do, as well. With Gary at the helm, deciding the course and handling the mainsail, I worked the jib (the sail in front), trimming it to best advantage, and helped balance the boat, hiking out (weaving my feet around the hiking strap and hanging my body out over the edge of the boat) as needed. I found that hiking out worked the abs and squatting in the boat worked the quads. I needed triceps and biceps to trim the jib. In general, I was surprised to find that I was getting a workout.

Today, if either Amie or Sarah is home, she will crew for Gary, but if not, then I’m first mate. (If the girls try to boss me around on the boat now, I tell them off.) Wednesday night races sometimes fit our schedule better than weekend race, so we get out at least once a week, maybe twice. I love being on the water and being part of a racing team. (And if I can ever coax Gary to think about anything other than sailing, and maybe talk to me while we’re on the water, the experience will be perfect.) I take it one day at a time and learn more every time I’m out. It’s an activity I’m not planning to give up anytime soon. In fact, who knows, I may even take some lessons and learn how to skipper Windsong myself…

Links
For more information on the Nockamixon Sail Club or sailing as a couple, see the following Web sites:
“Race Is a Cruise for Sailing Enthusiasts” The Bucks County Courier Times
Womanship
Emerald Coast Sailing
Adventure Cruising and Sailing School