MIND

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Bringing Out the Best in Yourself as Family Traditions Change

By Marian Buckner, RN, BSN

The holidays are upon us! It all begins with Halloween—costumes, candy, and pumpkins—and continues through Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, and New Year’s Day. We raise our children with the traditions we gather from our own family trees, a way of life we believe creates the best bonds and memories. Striving to recreate these special gatherings every year is part and parcel of being “family.” It is a time when rituals, love, laughter, and warmth permeate our lives.

As we face the holiday celebrations, we empty nesters are challenged to reinvent the way we anticipate and take pleasure in the season. For some of us, our homes may still be filled with the joyful noise of family, the only change being the addition of more tables, chairs, and food. Others of us, though, will need to discover a new approach and venue if our adult children are not close by, or we risk the possibility of feeling let down and blue. Depression often makes a house call when the reality of the holidays falls short of our expectation of what “should be.” Hear are a few ideas to help you avoid that pitfall.

Enlarge Your “Family”
While your grown children are off making their own traditions, look around to see who’s nearby. You may notice some other empty nesters who would appreciate sharing a comforting repast with you. If decorating your home and cooking feasts bring personal satisfaction, expand your list of invitees and add to your bliss. Don’t limit yourself!

Do you know any single parents or coworkers far away from their own families? Are you familiar with a younger or older person who is lonely? You could be the saving grace to a nursing home resident who has no family. Check with your religious advisor to see if he or she knows of anyone who will be alone that day. Wouldn’t you want someone to invite your parents or children over for the holiday if they couldn’t make the trip home?

Get Away from It All
Perhaps the idea of finally making the holiday simpler appeals to you. No more pressure and rushing around before the big day! Take this time to vacation on some sunny island or ski slope. While everyone else is baking cookies, you could be baking in the hot sun. The lines are sure to be shorter wherever you go, as other families will be content to celebrate at home. New adventures can be rejuvenating and add to your repertoire of change as an empty nester.

Give Something Back
Have you ever heard the story of the man who complained he had no shoes, until he met a man who had no feet? Should you sense melancholy creeping up as the holidays approach, nip it in the bud by giving your time and energy to those in need. Nothing will ever replace the years of family traditions, but if you now find yourself in a different place, wisely channel your efforts into something gratifying. Handing out blankets, coats, hats, gloves, and bagged lunches to the homeless can be the most heartwarming and humbling experience. Still love to cook? Delivering hot holiday meals to the police who have to patrol the streets while you’re at home is very rewarding. Call a shelter that houses families, and “adopt” one. Try to find out what’s on their Christmas list. Imagine their joy as they unwrap presents from their own “Secret Santa.”

Pass It On
Although you may feel your own home is not as full of holiday cheer as it had been in the past, it is important to recognize and appreciate the customs you created with your children. Sharing their homemade ornaments from elementary school and “secret” family recipes reinforces the connection. You will reap the rewards of your childrearing days when you enter their home and see how they’ve assimilated their past with you into their present lives. What richness abounds when you discern how much love was passed on by the holidays you shared!

During the holidays, take some time to envision how you can keep those treasured traditions alive in fresh ways. Take an active role and celebrate with new memories for you and your family.

Links
For additional tips, try these articles:
“Beating the Holiday Blues”
“Unconventional Approach: During Holidays, Seek Work”
“Lessons for Living: Holiday Blues”
“Thanksgiving Feast: Take a Food-Lover’s Holiday”
“Those Holiday Blues”