How to Cope When Your Child Studies Abroad

continued from part two...

Settling In
NYU has a facility in London (theirs is not an exchange program with another college) and makes arrangements for "academic" classes to be held in various venues around the city. For example, Sarah’s Theater in London class met at the Institute of Contemporary Arts (ICA) for classroom work, then at various theaters to see performances and take tours. Her Arts in London class would meet at whatever museum they happened to be touring that week, and sometimes at the ICA. The RADA classes were held in the Bloomsbury section of the city, at the RADA facilities, near the University College London and the British Museum.

The flat (apartment) to which Sarah was assigned was in Clerkenwell, a 20-minute walk to RADA and a 40-minute walk to her academic classes. If she wasn’t walking, she was using the "Tube"—the London Underground, or subway. She learned that the best deal in Underground transportation is an "Oyster" card—a type of charge card paid for in advance and swiped at Tube station entrances and exits. Oyster users enjoyed discounts on fares, and the card could also be used on buses. Sarah added to the available balance on her Oyster card whenever she needed to. (For this convenience, she paid a start-up fee of £3, which was earned back by discounted fares on the first couple of trips.) Finally, she wouldn’t have to carry cash or coins to get around town.

Keeping in Touch
One of the most important calming devices for parents of children studying abroad is a good communication system. E-mail is a godsend, and I implored Sarah to get in touch every couple of days, if only with a quick note—just so I knew everything was okay. Sarah took it one step further. She bought a cell phone as soon as she arrived in London. (Our Cingular plan here in the states had international service but charged more than $1 per minute, which was steep.) You can find a Cell Phone Warehouse on almost any street corner. Sarah found a deal for £35, which broke down to a £15 phone with 2 sim cards, each with £10 credit: one for cheap local (UK) calling (5 pence—cents—per minute to other phones in the network) and one for cheap international calling (5 pence per minute to the U.S.). Sarah wanted to be able to keep in touch with other students while in the UK and other cities in Europe (she and her friends made sure to get the same network, so the calls would be cheapest), and us whenever she wanted.

Skype is another must-have for communicating with your student while she is living abroad, and it’s free. You each download the program from the Skype website, hook up a webcam to your computer (to use the video component), and make sure you have a working microphone and set of speakers. Using Skype, you can "ring up" your student, who will hear a phone-like tone. (Most likely, she will be ringing you, as you’re probably at home more than she is!) You can "see" your child on the computer screen and she can see you. (Just make sure you’re directly in front of the webcam.)

We would make a "date" to "Skype" with Sarah about once a week. Because of the time difference, it takes some coordinating—Sarah would have to be in her room on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, and we would have to get up early, or we would have to be home in the afternoon, and Sarah would have to catch us before bed. But, we could see and hear her, which was better than email. One drawback is that everyone needs to sit in front of the computer, which limits you if you’re busy. (Sarah liked best to call us while she was walking from one place to another—how she spent a lot of her time.) So, we held the number of Skype calls to once a week.

Visiting Your Student
I’m writing this in the lobby of the British Museum, in London. It’s just after mid semester, and we’re finally visiting Sarah. She’s been gone since January 9; it’s now March 17. We took an overnight flight March 15 and got to our hotel yesterday, March 16, about noon, bringing an extra suitcase of "necessities" to help Sarah finish up the semester. Care packages are too expensive to send. (USPS charges $25.30 to send a 3-lb package by air parcel post. It’s also good to be familiar with restrictions on allowable content.) So, we packed cans of tuna, boxes of macaroni and cheese, hand lotion, toiletries, and even pancake mix (nonexistent in an English breakfast). We spent the afternoon exploring the area before grabbing a nap to combat our jet lag. Last night, we waited for Sarah just after 6:00 p.m. (Western European Time) at the RADA Theater, on Malet Street, where she finished up her classes for the week.

As we waited, I read the plaques in the theater lobby. Suddenly, I heard Gary say, "Here she comes." I turned and saw Sarah descending the stairs, at the back of the busy theater café. She wore black jazz pants and a clingy pink top, and lugged a duffle bag, no doubt from her day’s adventures. She came toward us, and I felt like everything was in slow motion, as if I was in a dream. Then, Sarah’s smiling, freckled face was next to mine, and I kissed her. I hugged her tightly. Nothing beats visiting your child mid-semester.

Until last night, when we were finally able to meet up with Sarah after her classes, I hadn’t hugged her in more than two months. I think physical separation is the hardest part of a child studying abroad. I’m a hands-on mom, and this was a record for me. I recommend visiting your student about halfway through the semester, if at all possible. If you’re anxiety prone, it will give you a sense of relief. It gives you something to look forward to during the first half of the semester and something to look back on during the second half (until you look forward again&8212;to their homecoming!).

If you have budget restrictions, which is likely in that you are still paying tuition bills, look for inexpensive lodging. We found a good deal when we were booked our British Airways flight. The Royal National Hotel isn’t quaint, but for less than £30 per night, it was clean and serviceable, and it was located near RADA, the British Museum, the British Library, and the Russell Square Station along the Piccadilly Tube line from Heathrow.

Sarah looked forward to us coming. She had been on her own a couple of months (including spring break, spent exploring Prague and Rome with friends) and had adjusted to life in London. But, she missed us, and that was good. You want them to strike out on their own and not to be afraid to be independent, and Sarah had no fears there. But, you also wanted them to keep their ties to the family. They shouldn’t forget about you!

Friday evening, we had a little wine and cheese at the RADA Theater Café, then saw a performance of Rabbit, by Nina Raine, by RADA third-year students (RADA offers 3-year full-time programs). We had dinner at The Eagle, a pub on Farringdon Road, where local chefs in training try out new recipes. We were seated about 10:30 p.m. at a table with other pub patrons, and we exchanged pleasantries. The place was so popular that it was impossible to get an individual table.

On Saturday, Sarah took us on a walking tour of Piccadilly and the Hyde Park sections of the city. We grabbed dinner at Garfunkel’s, a little chain restaurant with something for everyone. When we planned our trip, Sarah purchased tickets to a Royal Shakespeare Company production of The Tempest, at the Novella Theater, and Saturday night was the night. Patrick Stewart had the lead. (To Americans, Stewart is Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the Starship Enterprise in TV’s Star Trek: The Next Generation). The show was fabulous, and it was a thrill to be seeing it in London’s West End.

We decided to do something radical on Sunday: We rented a car from a very friendly lady at National, near Heathrow, and drove out to Stonehenge and Avebury (another prehistorical stone circle site, about 20 miles away from Stonehenge). Of course, the British drive on the left side of the road (and from the right front seat of their cars!), so just getting there and back (about 200 miles round trip) was a real challenge. We managed, though, and the trip cost us £75 (including petrol, or gas), or about half of the cost of train- and bus-fare for the three of us. And, we traveled at our own pace. As long as we had the car back by 10:00 p.m. and could get the shuttle back to the airport, and the Tube, we were fine. It was a real adventure: We explored the English countryside, stopped to take pictures when we wanted, and had dinner at the Red Lion Inn in the middle of the Stone Circle in Avebury, definitely an interesting venue.

Monday marked our last full day in London. We met Sarah for breakfast, then headed off to the British Library while Sarah headed to class. We reconvened with Sarah about 3:30 at the Royal National Theatre on the South Bank, as Sarah finished up her Theater in London class session. We made our way along the South Bank, past the London Eye ferris wheel, across Westminster Bridge, and along the North Bank. We photographed the Houses of Parliament, 10 Downing Street, and Trafalgar Square, eventually finding ourselves back in the West End.

Gary stopped at an Internet café to book our seats and print our boarding passes for our return flight the following afternoon, and Sarah and I went ahead to the Palace Theater to see if we could still get tickets for Spamalot. (What better place to see it than in London?) We were able to get £15 tickets, which were labeled "obstructed view" but were really just first-row Grand Circle seats along one side of the theater. You had to lean over to see that end of the stage. Not a big deal. The tickets ran as high as £66, so we figured we had a deal. We had time for a leisurely dinner and drinks at the Bear and Staff, in Leicester Square, just minutes from the theater. Pub meals were the most economical, with most sandwiches and entrees under £10.

Goodbyes
Sarah met us near our hotel the Tuesday morning for an early lunch. We checked out by 11:00 a.m., storing our luggage at the hotel for a nominal charge (50 pence for each piece). Then, we did some last-minute touring: After some sleuthing in an Internet café for locations (at £1 for 15 minutes), we photographed residences occupied at one time by members of the Bloomsbury Group (Virginia Woolf and others). At lunchtime, we found ourselves at Planet Organic, on Torrington Place, near RADA, then it was time to say good-bye. Sarah gave us both hugs at the Russell Square tube station, and headed off to her afternoon class. It was sad but sweet to see her walk off.

We were so glad to have spent a few days with Sarah, familiarizing ourselves with her current "stomping ground." Now we can picture where she lives, walks, and goes to class. We feel more connected to her experiences in London. I think Sarah was also glad to reconnect with us. And, hey, at the time of this writing, it’s only 52 days until she comes home...